How do you like it now?

Buffy stood silently in the doorway, backlit by the light in the hall, watching me writing for a few seconds. I type in a dark room so I couldn't see the expression on her face. I motioned for her to come over to me and patted my knee--she sat down put her ear to my chest and said quietly "I didn't like your post."

At first I was confused. Was it boring--pointless--confusing--too long--stupid--full of typos?

She explained.

"I don't like how it makes you look." And I laughed and laughed. "It makes you sound like you have nothing to offer." Buffy hates to think that others might see me as a loser. And she thinks it's inevitable unless I stop doing my own PR. It's true: she likes to sing my praises more than I do.

I once told my friend Keith that my procrastination is only a liability. (I'm not a black and white thinker but I talk like one when I'm doing preemptive self-flagellation. It's a good way to elicit the reassurance from others that I'm not evil. Keith is always and easy one to bait.) Oh no, he said. Procrastination is one of your best qualities. I didn't understand. He was reaching but I like his explanation. He continued:

Whenever we're in a conversation you are completely devoted to it. You think about what I'm saying more than I think about what I'm saying. That's how you are with everything. You get so caught up in your current situation that your other responsibilities get pushed aside. It's not irresponsibility it's dedication.

It sounds nice. But of course I argued against it and I continue to see problems with the analysis.

1: The order might be reversed. I might focus on the present in order to put off work.

B: Even if my motives are good, procrastination causes problems.

Last: I'm actually very bored when talking to Keith.

But about this living-in-the-present idea...
I've always said that autumn is my favorite season. I have to admit that's not true. My favourite season is any season that isn't acting like it should. In the summer I love a cold cloudy day. In the winter I love a warm day. Spring and fall don't really have a type. But they are a constant reminder that the weather is changing. Autumn edges out Spring because temperatures are dropping and I prefer colder temperatures. Though just earlier this week I was outside wearing a t-shirt shorts and sandals. And I loved it. But I was happy to hear that snow was in the forecast for the end of the week. Doesn't everyone love the first snow? Now that the flakes are whipping around outside I'm appreciating the warmth of the living room at pre-dawn 5am. I'll love every snow storm this winter. But I'll start looking forwards to golfing weather. Then in a few months when it's sunny and hot and I'm sweating on the golf course I'll look back on the crunchy fall weather and wish there were leaves on the ground.

So much for living in the present.